i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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