I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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