Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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