I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Shame - the story of my life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
