He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
