he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
