what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Houston, we have a squirter
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm both gender and math confused
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
