I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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