omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
