Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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