While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
