Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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