god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
