And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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