there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
