Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
