when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
