How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
