I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
