Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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