i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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