New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
