we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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