last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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