so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
