im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
