Got a toothbrush?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
