I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
