I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
