I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
