he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
