Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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