u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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