I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
