last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
