So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
