ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it was like eating out sand paper
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
