That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
