You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
