so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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