fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
