it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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