I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
