he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
