i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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