I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
