My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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