end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
soo... how was my night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
