I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize