you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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