my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
