so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
