That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
