Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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