It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
