Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
