I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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