last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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