Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
