I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
