Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
