I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
