Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
