I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
