i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize