So drunk its hurt
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
