she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
