He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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