Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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