you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize