Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
