You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We left an ass print on the piano.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
