Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
