it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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