I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
