dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
